The Week That Left Me Empty
On nostalgia, worry, and finding resilience when life piles up
Last week was a rollercoaster. One of those weeks that leaves me emotionally drained, no matter how strong I try to stand. I struggled to write this time, but I know putting it into words and sharing my emotions helps me, so here it goes.
It began almost like any other. I was still shaking off the last symptoms of a cold, but recovering well and resuming my training, feeling stronger each day. I even had a highlight: I found a car I liked and was able to purchase it, another piece in this new life puzzle. Soon, I’ll have my driver’s license, and that will bring me the flexibility to explore new places and adventures. A runner/neighbor also offered me an old bike for free, which I truly appreciated, as it helps with my daily errands. Some projects have started to take shape, too, bringing me joy and hope.
But then, small things began to add up. My computer was running out of storage, so I began cleaning it up: deleting cache, removing old apps, and going through system files. In that process, I found two old photo albums automatically saved from WhatsApp. Back in 2022, I had disabled that feature because my phone was flooded with random forwarded photos from groups. Still, here they were. thousands of images. As I scrolled to pick up the ones I wanted to save, I saw hundreds that brought back memories of older chapters of my life, memories that pull you back into the past unexpectedly, and like photos tend to do, they only showed the happy moments. I wasn’t prepared for how much that would affect me. Nostalgia and sadness hit hard.
On top of that, one of my dogs wasn’t feeling well, and that worried me all weekend. They are my little companions, and seeing them in any kind of discomfort shakes me harder than I want to admit. And almost as if my body reflected my mind, one of my nagging foot pains flared up again.
There was more stuff, some personal and some business-related difficult decisions, that I am not ready/willing to share publicly, that piled on top of that.
By Sunday, I needed to move my body, so I switched my long endurance run for a steady mid-length one. I ran to burn energy, to clear my mind, to breathe. It helped, but not fully. By the evening, I felt drained, and by Monday, even more so.
And yet, life keeps moving. Transalpine is less than 20 days away. I still laced up for a short run and strength training on Monday, and went out again today for my usual session. Running helps, it always does, but my mind is still processing everything.
I am aware, and even more as I put this down to words, that none of what is happening is the end of the world, but it affects me, and I am still learning to deal with this.
This thought came to me on the trails: resilience is easy to talk about when things are smooth. It’s in weeks like this that it’s tested and cultivated. I don’t know how or when I'll get to shift my mood, but I’ll keep moving forward, step by step, breath by breath.